Freetown Christiania Christiania, also known as Freetown Christiania (Danish: Fristaden Christiania, Faroese: Frístaðurin Christiania) is a partially self-governing neighbourhood of about 850 residents, covering 34 hectares (85 acres) in the borough of Christianshavn in the Danish capital Copenhagen. Christiania has established semi-legal status as an independent community, but has been a source of controversy since its creation in a squatted military area in 1971. Its open cannabis trade was tolerated by authorities until 2004. Since then, measures for normalising the legal status of the community have led to conflicts, and negotiations are ongoing. Among many Christiania residents, the community is known as staden ('the town'), short for fristaden ('the freetown). The Community Meditation and yoga have always been popular among the Christianites, and for many years Christiania had their own internationally acclaimed theater group Solvognen, who, beyond their theater performances, also staged many happenings in Copenhagen and even throughout Sweden. Ludvigsen had always talked of the acceptance of drug-addicts who could no longer cope with regular society, and the spirit of that belief has still not diminished, even throughout many problems sprouted due to drug traffic and use (mostly of hard drugs, however, which are illegal in Christiania). These addicts head into and remain in Christiania all the time and are considered just as much a part of the Freetown as the entrepreneurs, and for this reason many Danes have seen Christiania as a successful social experiment. However, for years the legal status of the region has been in a limbo due to different Danish governments attempting to remove the Christianites. Such attempts at removal have all been unsuccessful so far. The neighbourhood is accessible through many entrances and cars are not allowed (although some Christiania residents own a car, see below). Danish authorities have repeatedly removed the large stones blocking the main entrance claiming they need access to the area for fire trucks and ambulances in the event of a fire or medical emergency, yet the residents respond by placing them back each time as they feel suspicious that the authorities will instead use it for police operations. This suspicion is backed by the fact that they have already made arrangements with the Copenhagen Fire Department, which also operates the ambulances in Copenhagen, and have established other entranceways and maneuvering spaces for fire trucks and ambulances in the area. The people in Christiania have developed their own set of rules, independently of the Danish government. The rules forbid stealing, violence, guns, knives, bulletproof vests and hard drugs. Famous for its main drag, known as Pusher Street, where hash and Skunk weed were sold openly from permanent stands until 2004, it nevertheless does have rules forbidding hard drugs, such as cocaine, speed, ecstasy and heroin. The commerce is controversial, but since the rules require a consensus they cannot be removed unless everybody agrees. The region negotiated an arrangement with the Danish defence ministry (which still owns the land) in 1995. Since 1994, residents have paid taxes and fees for water, electricity, trash disposal, etc. The future of the area remains in doubt, though, as Danish authorities continue to push for its removal. On Pusher Street, cameras are not allowed, and locals will wave their hands and shout "No photo!" if they see someone trying to take a picture.

 Examen la o materie nerelevanta. Sa zicem... "Materiale". Mai pe intelesul tuturor, echivalentul unui curs de "Managementul fostelor ceapeuri" la ASE, "Cultura plantei de iasomie" la Agronomie sau "Doctrine staliniste" la SNSPA. Ora 6:00 Trezirea, constientizarea situatiei critice - "zi de examen". Palpitatii, gaze stomacale, etc... Ora 6:15 Pregatirea mapei: cursul (carte+foi xeroxate), rezumate schematizate, servite + eventuale copiute. (ca si cand ai voie cu toata biblioteca pe banca) Ora 6:30 Realizarea inutilitatii mapei "stufoase" la examenul respectiv. Reorganizarea mapei: 3 coli A4 + pix. Ora 6:40 Plecarea conform orarului pentru a prinde "loc bun, first class" Ora 7:15 Intrarea in sala de examen, ocuparea unui "loc prost, first desk". Locurile bune se terminasera deja de la ora 5:00. ...Excentrici... O! ra 8:00 Intrarea profesorului in sala de examen. Intrarea supraveghetorilor in sala de examen (primele reactii ale studentilor: - sugestii la adresa rudelor apropiate ale supraveghetorilor: mame, fii, fiice, neam, etc) Ora 8:01:00 Anuntarea subiectelor.... Ora 8:01:30 Reactii la aflarea subiectelor ( <>) Ora 8:02 << Hai ba, ce facem? Mergem?>> << Mai stai ba 5 minute, nu acum ca bate la ochi>> Ora 8:03 << Hai baaa... mergem?>> << ...>> Ora 8:30 Planul de calamitate A: Scriere in afara subiectului. Ora 8:31 Terminat de scris. Ora 8:32 Planul de calamitate B: auto-incurajarea (<>) Ora 10:00 Epuizarea timpului de alocat examenului. Predarea foilor, zambitor catre profesor. Iesirea din sala! Ciudat, insa intrebarile gen <> sunt insotite de raspunsuri strans legate de organe de reproducere. Ora 11:30 Reintoarcerea in sala pentru corectarea tezei. (De)punctare corecta, cu argumente si explicatii ale profesorului extrem de bine intemeiate: << Nu, Nu, Nu. Hmmm... nu.>> Ora 11:31 Cuvinte de ramas bun colegilor, incurajari, si traditionalul <> Ora 13:00 Acasa... Yahoo Messenger.... status adecvat situatiei. Invisible pentru dobitocii cu intrebari stupide. Ora 14:00 Somnul de frumusete... ...noi sa fim sanatosi..

val kilmer.... now... and then, in "the doors"
shame shame shame!

Cum sa fii BUCURESTEAN veritabil

Daca vrei sa fii un bucurestean veritabil trebuie sa tii cont de urmatoarele recomandari privind circulatia pe drumurile publice:
* Semnificatia culorilor semaforului:
- verde - treci fara probleme
- galben - repede ca se pune rosu
- rosu - repede, ca e ultima sansa pina sa le dea drumul celorlalti.
* Daca este coada la stop si un sir lung de masini, iti recomandam tehnica “sirului shuntat”. In acest scop, mergi pe contrasens pe toata lungimea cozii de masini, pana ajungi la stop si apoi in virtutea prioritatii de smecher (vezi si punctul anterior) reintri in coloana, in pole-position.
* Daca te afli al doilea la semafor, in secunda in care apare culoarea verde, trebuie sa apesi pe claxon, cat mai lung si mai insistent, pentru a-l zori pe mocaitul din fata. Un claxon viguros este expresia unei personalitati puternice deci, nu ezita!
* Daca esti prima masina de la stop si cineva te claxoneaza imediat cum se pune verde, opreste motorul, ia-ti bata de baseball (obligatorie, se tine sub scaun), da-te jos din masina, du-te la cel care te-a claxonat si sparge-i fata.
* Pe timp de noapte circula obligatoriu cu faza lunga. Poti folosi faza lunga si ziua, atunci cand mergi cu viteza.
* Daca circuli noaptea si o masina vine din fata cu faza lunga, baga-i si tu faza lunga in fata, de cateva ori, intermitent. Farurile cu halogen dau efecte atat distractive cat si psihedelice.
* Daca inaintea ta se afla cineva cu o masina care merge mai incet claxoneaza-l si baga-i faza lunga in ochi: sa se duca dracului acasa daca are masina si merge ca mortu’.
* Folositi claxonul cat mai mult, mai nervos si in mai multe tonalitati. Injura cu sete. Arata-i degetul mijlociu. Intai mana stanga, apoi ambele - in Bucuresti se poate conduce tinand volanul cu genunchii.


Ghidul supravietuitorului…


In dragoste o singura regula e valabila. Sa faci femeia fericita. Faci ceva pe placul ei, castigi puncte.
Faci ceva ce nu ii place, pierzi puncte. Nu primesti nici un punct pentru ceva la care se asteapta. Cu parere de rau, astea sunt regulile.

Iata un scurt ghid al sistemului de punctare:

INDATORIRI OBISNUITE

* Faci patul (+1)
* Faci patul, dar uiti pernuta decorativa (-1)
* Asezi patura peste cearseaful mototolit (-2)
* Iesi sa cumperi ceva pentru ea (+5)
* ..Pe ploaie (+8)
* ..Dar te intorci cu bere (-5)
* Te scoli din cauza unui zgomot suspect noaptea (+1)
* Te scoli din cauza unui zgomot suspect noaptea, dar
nu era nimic
(0)
* Te scoli din cauza unui zgomot suspect noaptea, si
era ceva (+5)
* ..Ii tragi una cu facaletul (+10)
* ..Era catelul ei (-20)

EVENIMENTE SOCIALE

* Stai alaturi de ea tot timpul petrecerii (0)
* Stai alaturi de ea un timp, dupa care mergi la o
vorba cu colega
(-2)
* ..Pe colega o cheama Tina (-10)
* ..Tina, dansatoarea (-20)
* ..Tina are silicoane (-80)

ANIVERSARI

* O scoti la cina (+2)
* O scoti la cina, si nu este un club sport (+3)
* Ok, e un club sport (-2)
* Si e noaptea cu bufet suedez (-3)
* E un club sport, noaptea cu bufet suedez, iar pe fata ta sunt pictate culorile echipei preferate (-10)

SEARA IN ORAS

* O scoti la film (+1)
* O scoti la un film care ii place ei (+3)
* O scoti la un film care nu-ti place (+6)
* O scoti la un film care iti place tie (-2)
* ..Se numeste “Robocop” (-3)
* ..Ai mintit ca era un film despre orfani
(-15)

CONDITIA FIZICA

* Ai facut burta (-15)
* Ai facut burta, dar te antrenezi sa iti revii (+10)
* Ai facut burta si treci la camasi si pantaloni mai largi (-30)
* Spui, “Nu conteaza, si tu ai” (-8000)

MAREA INTREBARE

* Ea intreaba: “M-am ingrasat?” (-5) [Da, pierzi puncte indiferent de raspuns]
* Eziti cu raspunsul (-10)
* Raspunzi, “..Unde?” (-35)
* Orice alt raspuns (-20)

COMUNICARE

* Cand vorbeste despre problemele ei, te arati interesat (0)
* Asculti, peste 30 minute (+50)
* Asculti, peste 30 minute, fara sa te uiti la TV (+500)
* Ea isi da seama ca de fapt ai adormit
(-4000)