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I am a Mother, Grandmother, Daughter, and a Wife. I love to explore the mind, and the 'Why's" of us.

"Missing" Caylee Anthony 08/08/08: I haven't done a blog in awhile, I have been distracted and following the missing child case of Caylee Anthony in Florida. With a time/story line that I am sure is worthy of a movie, the contents of facts, or non facts is absolutely incredible. In this blog we have discussed the criminal mind in length. We have also discussed emotional and physical abuse. How to spot those that intend to do us harm. How to protect ourselves from others, or from ourselves. As we often time "trust those" who do not have our best interest's in mind.

Most of the time, we can spot a dysfunctional person fairly quickly. Hot tempered, unfair, self centered, the list goes on.

But what of those that move about us that "appear" normal? I had such a friend years ago. The life of the party, attractive and seemingly 'had it all". I admit some of the things she told me were incredible. But, I lived somewhat of an un-incredible life, and certainly someone such as xx could possibly have experienced many blessings/disasters'. She created a child in her mind that didn't exist and told me of the birth and labor of this child. I found out later...she did not have a child. Her stories, though possible always had an element of truth..but for the most part were wild "spins" off of a speck of truth. The case in Florida, involves a person "much like" this friend that I had some years ago.

I do not mean to imply that every Narcissistic player is dangerous. But, I can report that "this certain" type of personality disorder indeed can have a tragic theme. How does one go from a common self centered liar, to a cold and calculating narcissist? I can assure you, you might even have a family member such as this, or a friend or coworker that is a narcissist. Just as everyone isn't funny in the same way, every narcissist has their own flavor as well. How can we spot a narcissist? It isn't very easy! Most narcissist's are very convincing, and can be truly intelligent. They however 'know what they want" and know how to "act" to get it. So, what is it a narcissist wants? How is a narcissist created? And can they be cured? Are they truly crazy, and fake being normal? or do they lack the physical ability to be normal?

We can explore the makings of a narcissist through psychology. Remembering that psychology is a theory based science. Yes, there are those that have abnormal thought processes, it can be genetic, or taught through early childhood development, and also brought on through some diseases, and certainly a brain can be 'effected' from a chemical perspective. LSD has been proven to alter brain function (as an example).

In psychology: It is thought in early childhood development, as a child grows between birth and approx. 9 years old. The nurturing a child receives from the mother is a necessity of normal brain growth, when a child (as in my friends case) was denied "a bonding experience" with the mother, and if it is during the early age of brain development, a narcissist can be created. All children go through various stages of emotional growth. All children are narcissist's at one point. They cannot "feel" that the cat is in fact screaming to be let go, they cannot feel the cats pain/anguish/fear so it 'must not exist', as the child cannot feel it, as it is outside of their own being. This is a very normal stage of childhood development. It is thought that an adult narcissist is "stuck in that stage of development" and can however through trial and error..learn to "pretend" to feel those emotions: empathy/compassion. This type of adult learns, to imitate those emotions, and also learns to use that same "act" to obtain the much needed attention they did not receive from their mother/caregiver.

They have a constant need of attention, praise, and even if they do have accomplishments it will not be enough. They have an over blown sense of self that needs to be fed, to accommodate the lack of self esteem that comes from a nurturing parent.

Ted Bundy is a prime example of a "true Narcissist".

A biological narcissist: this theory is yet to be proven, but does not mean it does not exist. The investigation into gene placement, by heredity, or gene triggers are now the hottest topic in the science community. This topic is discussed in detail with links to various sources of enlightenment further back in this blog.

So, how do you know if your new friend is a narcissist? LOL by paying attention. If a story is out of place, or a constant theme of "I was the center" of it all, is apparent, you may check it out their claims.

In Casey Anthony's case, she has apparently been "spinning lies" off left and right her "whole life", and through the recent developments her family is learning that there are no truths within her. This may have come from a family that constantly "trying to fix" rather than letting their child experience consequences. Where her own Mother claimed: "If I sit with her long enough the truth comes out" That is not normal" I have not witnessed a true emotion yet from Casey, other than she feels entitled, and the lies have worked so far...why stop now? I sense a hint of vengeance in her choices. Not feeling good enough can make her attempt to prove she is...and those in her circle are finding out otherwise. A narcissist, is constantly battling shame, humility, and as we all know being human means give and take. We know we all make mistakes but a narcissist cannot risk having anyone see "that they don't measure up". In Casey's life, her family seems to be a successful caring, and financially able to provide a comfortable life style. Casey also wants to "appear" a winner, and cannot earn those effects on her own. So she creates it by stealing and lying in which to convince others of her wealth of entitlement. No doubt, if one were to interview those around Casey (those who are open, and not afraid it will make them look bad) you would find a history of inconsistent stories and disappearing money, clothes, and articles left with in her reach.

The narcissist would rather "die" than give it up. It is their "total sense of self" that is at risk of being found out. This is their life "source". Even when faced with irrefutable proof..they will find a way to escape it, and will turn on those known or made up to cast the blame on. When they are caught...they will change the subject. Sound like anyone you know? God forbid. A narcissist who is truly caught.. and "knows" there is no way out, will become the savior, a well and source of all information, spinning the story into a movie of which "they were in control" are now still in control, and will attempt to find attention even when all bets are off and caught. For those narcissist that cannot stand to be known as the source of lies and deception where a crime has been committed, they will leave the family and those concerned hanging and talking for a very long time, (Melinda Duckett).

Can this type of person be dangerous? Think about that. They need constant attention. And will squash anyone who threatens their self of being. Having no true regard of pain and suffering of others.

How does one manage a narcissist as in Caseys case? By "letting" them think they are gods gift. Let them feel in control, and the center of the universe, having all answers. Of course one would have to be a lie linguist..and sort through much bs to get the truth. But, in this case that seems to be the only way, as a small child's recovery rests on it.

I would absolutely love to have a sit down with Casey, much could be learned from such a visit :)

Suzan

"In My Honest Opinion"

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This posting below was said to have been written by Casey's mother Cindy and posted on her myspace blog on July 3, 2008 in reference to her missing Grand daughter Caylee.

Thursday, July 03, 2008
my caylee is missing
Current mood: http://x.myspace.com/images/blog/moods/iBrads … distraught

She came into my life unexspectedly, just as she has left me. This precious little angel from above gave me strength and unconditional love. Now she is gone and I don’t know why. All I am guilty of is loving her and providing her a safe home. Jealousy has taken her away. Jealousy from the one person that should be thankfull for all of the love and support given to her. A mother’s love is deep, however there are limits when one is betrayed by the one she loved and trusted the most. A daughter comes to her mother for support when she is pregnant, the mother says without hesitation it will be ok. And it was. But then the lies and betrayal began. First it seemed harmless, ah, love is blind. A mother will look for the good in her child and give them a chance to change. This mother gave chance after chance for her daughter to change, but instead more lies more betrayal. What does the mother get for giving her daughter all of these chances? A broken heart. The daughter who stole money, lots of money, leaves without warning and does not let her mother now speak to the baby that her mother raised, fed, clothed, sheltered, paid her medical bills, etc. Instead tells her friends that her mother is controlling her life and she needs her space. No money, no future. Where did she go? Who is now watching out for the little angel?

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A woman's account of her personal experiences with a Narcissist
http://www.halcyon.com/jmashmun/npd/traits.html

The link above was broke, now it's fixed :)

Friday August 8, 2008 - 12:57pm (PDT) Permanent Link | 0 Comments
"El Shaddai" July 16, 2008: Praise with me

I recently got a note asking me who was singing this, yes it's me :)

Wednesday July 16, 2008 - 02:33pm (PDT) Permanent Link | 2 Comments
Who Me? July 13, 2008: I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next.

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Awhile back in this blog, I talked about control issue's as well as anger and manipulation. Because of my own personality I enjoy several sites where I stay centered and healthy by inundating myself with constant uplifting literature. For those of us who were not raised in a very optimistic atmosphere, we can become accustomed to different sorts of negativity, ultimately, one can seek out drama, by placing themselves around those who constantly have "something going on" or some emergency. Replace that instead with Positive emotional food. For those who did not receive enough positive attention as children, they will constantly need approval, or need to be noticed, even by means of a negative attitude "Bad attention is better than no attention". Some also manifest sickness to get attention, this stemming from "only getting attention when I am sick or hurt" as a child. This is when the inner self feels starved, and it will do what ever it can to get attention.

Where I myself battle negative thoughts, I "seek out" answers, I also consume " a lot" of positive literature, positive people, and atmospheres.

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Why? Why do we seek attention?

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"Approval"

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We have taught ourselves that others approval, can mean acceptance. Acceptance to what? Of being a worthy individual to receive the reward of approval? ....lol

So, when a person starts to use negative actions to gain attention, is it really linked to that person wanting approval?

In some instances, this same negative attitude, did at one time gain that person attention...in childhood. When a parent did not notice the good things in a child and offer praise, that child went out of their way to gain attention of the parent. Have you placed yourself in life, or in a relationship with someone who tries to control you? Who demands your attention? No matter how hard you try, you can't please them? It could be your spouse, or even still with your parents, but the answer lies "inside yourself".

Do you feel attention starved? Are you afraid of being alone? Do you stay in relationships that are dysfunctional because down deep you don't feel worthy to be in a healthy one?

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Well... your not alone.

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The truth is, the only one who can "stamp your forehead with approval" is you.

You get this approval, from doing things daily, for the "good" of itself.

Not to impress "anyone" you follow rules of morality 'on your own' when no-one is looking. When faced with another who wants to argue, you settle on the truth of the matter, not on the conflict and "winning".

You respect the rights of others, and you stand firm in "your own rights"

Below is my weeks recent literature that I have digested. I attempt to keep me real, and in check. When I find conflict in me, and automatically point fingers out, I need to shake myself, and get real "with me". It is my life, and those around me are of "my choice". I try not to live life, as if I am in accident. Where things happen to me and are not outside of my ability to change them. Yes, shi* happens, but most of the time, I stepped "in it" because I was not paying attention to where I was going.

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Watch where you walk... as your life follows directly behind you.

Allow yourself the "gift of Goodbye"

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I recently recieved a note, where a person praised me as they had read this Blog and also had visited my Youtube and had come away feeling calm, and smiling.

That note truly touched me, what a wonderful feeling of acceptance, and approval I felt when reading it.

To be noticed for good things, is an awesome feeling

(btw that persons settings prohibited messages, so I am saying 'thank you" here)

Suzan

(If your looking for my Youtube link, it's over there on the left) Be sure and say hi if you stop in, so I can see 'your' channel :)

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I am including my weekly reading below, feel free to use the link on the bottom to visit his site for an abundance of

uplifting insightful literature :)

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Walk Away From Whatever Mistreats You

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Fear of losing someone who abuses you is like worrying what will become of you if you don't jump in front of a train.

Making "Peace" with People who Would Punish Us
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There are parts of us that would rather be punished by unkind people than have to spend one minute being alone, because the only way these same parts in us can exist is if they have someone to resent or somehow fear. In this case we remain in these ruinous relationships because the fear or emptiness we feel in even considering leaving them seems to be too much to bear on our own.

Here's the key to escaping this captivity: This familiar fear -- of being alone in life -- feels real, no doubt; but it belongs to an imagined self. We must now act on what we know is the truth of our condition, instead of remaining its captive. Translation: walk away from anyone who "helps" you to feel that it's necessary for you to hurt; leave anyone who causes you pain for "your own good." Here's the rule to remember: Never accept as natural or necessary any relationship outwardly -- or inwardly -- with a person or psychological state that punishes you. Say "no" and just go! A whole new and independent life awaits you.

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-- Guy Finley

www.guyfinley.com

Sunday July 13, 2008 - 11:27am (PDT) Permanent Link | 2 Comments
X Files Movie! July 11, 2008: Fans Enjoy the preview by using this widgett!

Friday July 11, 2008 - 09:24pm (PDT) Permanent Link | 0 Comments
"July 4th": Recently it was my Mothers Birthday, last year at this time her and I were enjoying a bbq with some of our dearest friends. We celebrated her Birthday and July 4rth together as we had so many times before. I received a beautiful card in the email yesterday. It is a card that celebrates the 4th of July and has beautiful bird animations. I took a snap shot of it to post here to share with you. The sender was not aware of my Mother's love for birds, so when I got it on her Birthday, I felt her reaching down to let me know she is still here with us.

On her last Birthday, I picked a bouquet of wildflowers for her and put them on her dresser. She said when I brought them into her room.. I was watching you out of the window picking them (in our field). She said: I recall, you doing the same thing when you were a child, your still bringing me flowers...lol We sat and shared our memory...boy, I remember getting in trouble... as they were out of the neighbors yard... lol

I can still see my Mom standing there... while her tow headed 6 year old looked down at the ground-guilty as charged, as our neighbor recounted to her, their gasp of shock when they found all their prize tulips and daffodils had been beheaded... Oye ve...

Missing her, and sharing with you along the way Suzan

Have a safe 4th

Friday July 4, 2008 - 08:23am (PDT) Permanent Link | 4 Comments