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Im just gunna post randomness hear depending on my mood ok.
- Inguinal Hernia
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Finally I went to the doctor for the Third time, finally I saw the correct man for the job, and Finally I was told the affliction i have was what I figured it was, An Inguinal Hernia, this really sucks you know, I was placed on a Specific diet and exercise program, well not placed exactly, but told I should do so cause if I did'nt loose some weight this could happen again even after the sergery, and shit, this sergery im supposed to undergo costs like near $10,000 thats nothing to laugh at, especially since I could never afford to pay that right now, so Im hopeing my familly helps me out, weather it's getting health insurance or just getting on the Olive View Medical Center's waiting list, eaither way hopefully I will overcome this. *Sighs*
http://www.hope.edu/academic/kinesiology/athtrain/program/studentprojects/405-03/GI/hernia.jpg
Wednesday September 13, 2006 - 05:37pm (PDT) Permanent Link | 0 Comments - Mother...
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I Just found out the other day that my Mother at the age of 46 is dying of lung diseas and Empysema, she has so many probleams all at once that it's quite a guaranteed thing, she has a tumor the zise of a base ball between her heart and lungs, as well as several other afflictions that hinder her health, Now she does have a chance to live a few more years but just knowing she could be gone at any moment now scares me, Im not looking at both the women in my familly who mean so much to me possibly dying within months of one another, My Mom from her afflictions, and my Grandmother who basically raised me, passing from old age.
I Always told the friends and familly I have that what ever bad that can happen to me, does happen to me, and so it seems most true as of late, for not only do I face the passing of the two most important women in my life, but I too face the fact that I myself may have a cancerous affliction, I have a growth, possibly a Tumor on my pelvic region, I don't know what it is and as long as I stay sitting down and not standing for too long I don't feel much pain, however if I do stand I feel this sharp pain like a large weight holding onto my waist and pulling down hard, so im worried to death for plenty of resons as of late, so as many times as I wanted death, knowing it actually may be granted alot soon then later has me thinking about everything and everyone and how frightend I am I will never gt to that day where I have the chance to marry the girl I love, now hear I am wondering, wondering why and for what, nothing in life ever made sence to me and now im worried nothing in death will make any sence either.
I have so many questions that will never be answerd, I made so many promises that I was positve I could keep that I may never be able to uphold now, I promised my mother she would hold her Grandson or Grand Daughter befor she passed away, now with all this happening I feel like an ass cause I don't think I can ever keep that promise... if my world was any kind of fair I would have been married befor I was 25, But no not me, I was too shy and frightend to try even talking to girls untill I was about 23, but that matters not to me, not with all the things I said I would do and now can't seem to do them...Tuesday July 18, 2006 - 12:00pm (PDT) Permanent Link | 1 Comment - Time And Time Again
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Time and time again
I feel this pain will never end
to this life I seem to bend
but in the end...
time and time again
I was used by thoes I called friends
and I belived my wounds would mend
but to the blood I can not contend
time and time again
I was sexualy abused by my fathers friend
and even today I still pretend
that this pain will soon end
but in the end...
Time and time again...Thursday March 9, 2006 - 09:30pm (PST) Permanent Link | 0 Comments - To the end of all things
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why does life have to be so painfull. just when I found someone who gave me hope. she turns on me over something neither of us can control, I spent my life being walked on cause im a nice guy, and for some reson I still alow this to happen. I don't know why but I do, no one could understand the sorrow I feel right now. I want so bad to cry out to someone for help, but all that gets me if more probelms, if I turn to someone for advice all they do is get mad and anoyed with me. so I don't know what to do. I love her and I wanna love her. I wanna be with her, but she denies me cause of other crap that happens on the net, people bug us, we meet nice people. then befor you know it there dying of some type of cancer. so whats the point anymore? nothing makes any sense anyway...
Friday February 17, 2006 - 08:21pm (PST) Permanent Link | 0 Comments - Vampire Traditions:
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Vampire Traditions:
15:44:24 - Jan 31 2006
1st Tradition: The Masquerade.
Thou shalt not reveal thy true nature to those not of the Blood. Doing so shall renounce thy claims of Blood.
2nd Tradition: The Domain.
Thy domain is thy concern. All others owe there respect while in it. None may challenge thy world in thy domain.
3rd tradition: The Progeny.
Thou shalt sire another only with permission of thine elder. If thou createst another without thine elder’s leave, both thou and thy progeny shalt be slain.
4th Tradition: The Accounting.
Those thou create are thine own childeren. Until thy progeny shall be released, thou shalt command them in all things. Their sins are thine to endure.
5th Tradition: Hospitality:
Honor one another's domain, when though comest to a foreign, thou shalt present thyself to the one who ruleth there. Without the word of acceptance, thou is nothing..
6th Tradition: Destruction:
Though art forbidden to destroy another of thy kind. The right of destruction belongth only to thine elder. Only the eldest among thee shall call the blood hunt.
Guidelines: The overseer of a city, and traditionally the eldest of its residents, although in North America this is not always true. The Prince enforces the Traditions, and is the final arbator of disputes between Kindred. He claims the right of Domain over a city, and serves as its lawmaker and judge. Other residents of the city are under no obligation to follow the Prince's dictates, but to ignore them is not a formula for long term survival, and some Kindred obey only as much as their cowardice allows.
While it is true that the Prince is usually the strongest and most powerful resident, any who claim Domain over a city must have the support of the Primogen Council. And because of conflicting agendas, there is often a delicate balance of power between the Council and the Prince.
Bleeding yet thy blood is not of blood but that off emotions. Now shades of thou clothing is how thou feels. Like that of a vamp thou feels as thou belongeth to those of the undead. Neither living neither dead. To thou belongeth to those alike of thou. Shall thou tell or shall thou hide? Fear is an earth in thou elution of disspair.Thou's ghosts which once haunted thou have now become thou's guides. Can thou trust them to guide thou along the right path? Can thou trust anyone anymore? Thou fears nothing thou feels nothing but the pain in her heart which longs to be free but thou shall lock it away for as long as thou can. Thou passes thee everyday staring deep in to the eyes of death everywhere thou goes, but yet thou does.Tuesday January 31, 2006 - 05:37pm (PST) Permanent Link | 0 Comments
