... not just gone by, but a year that -in retrospective- certainly reminds me of the current stock market.

The ups and downs in life... never predictable, didn't stop in front of my door either.

2008 started out with a positive outlook and a Joel Osteen's "this will be your best year ever" vision, and actually it wasn't a bad one whatsoever. Yes - the few usual bumps in the road, but overall not anything that I will remember as a year of total disaster.

2008 was actually about realizing that I had already found years ago what I thought I was looking for. Well - actually it was a more of a 'who I had already found' instead of a 'what'. The one thing we all seem to chase after. The thing all call 'Love'. The constant search for someone I could call 'mine', just to find out that maybe the conventional 'mine' is not necessarily what I need or want.

So - after 8 years of 'dating', and having a 6-year old daughter together already, I realized that, no matter who else I met - it was just not the same feeling that I had for my little girls Dad. Did you ever have the feeling that you are truly yourself when you are with that one person? Where you don't have to prove anything, or be someone else just to be accepted, where you don't have to pull your belly in all the time, or can walk around with your hair being all messy, make up still in the drawer and your 5-year old oversized PJ's on? Yea well - that would be the way I feel around him. He is not mine, still he is mine when he is here. I would lie if I would say it is easy to let him go whenever he needs to go home, but we have so much more in common than just a daughter. And even though it would be nice to fall asleep in his arms at night at times, I don't think I would want that on an every day basis. I like to live my life the way it is right now, not having to ask about decisions I make, or where I go when I go, when I get back and why I'm gone in the first place. No pressure about cooking dinner, being on anyone else's schedule.

Nonetheless, my road is about to take yet another turn, even though I wish deep down that I would have at least a feeder road somewhere that keeps me close to his major highway. I am expecting our second child in June of next year, and since that fact seems to get us more apart than together, I have decided that my main path is going to take me back home in March. It has been 15 years of chasing after (and losing out on) dreams here in the US, and afterall I realized that everything I gained here, was not really of importance to me. Well yes - I have met some interesting folks here, have driven some great cars and 'owned' a few properties that I would probably have never dreamed to have back home (gosh - that huge pool and hot tub in the backyard was one of the coolest things to get into butt naked at midnight!), but one thing that could never be replaced, is my family and friends who I miss terribly. So - back to Germany it is. Flights are booked, a new place to call home as been found - and on March 10, 09 I will wave good-bye to Houston and a 15-year history of being in the US. No... I don't think it will be forever since I am leaving my going-be-High-School-Senior behind (with her Dad), and a 21-year old that is happily married, so I will be back at the latest for graduation in 2010.

Still - it will be different to call a little town on the suburbs of Bad Schwalbach in Germany home. From the 4th largest City in the US to fields and streams somewhere nowhere in the mountains of a Mom and Pop town - it will be a welcomed change. At least so I hope. Snow instead of subtropical heat and humidity, a 'I-know-who-you-are' neighborhood instead of an anonymous City where neighbors don't even talk to neighbors (unless a hurricane forces you away from the TV since the whole city doesn't have power!), a walk with the dog and baby stroller to the bakery instead of a daily traffic jam, just trying to get to Wal-Mart.

I am leaving the man I love behind, but I was also told that, if he loves me and his children enough, he will know where to find us. I guess that is true Mom, in the end you have been right about a lot of stuff you forecasted. So I am going to trust you on this one. And you know what? If you happen to be right again that "if he didn't change after 8 years - he just won't", there might be certainly another knight in shining armor out there, that might be open to a friendship with opportunities as well. There's just one who knows - and He isn't telling. Which is good - I like it like that. What would life be if we would be able to see our future!

In the end we all have to realize that life is all about attitude. It will always throw things at us that we didn't expect. The art is just to keep an open mind, and always try to find the positive in a potentially negative situation. So... yes Mr. Osteen you were right, this indeed was my best year ever. We will have a roof over our heads, a family that is looking foward to welcome us back, a brand-new start in life, and a new baby on the way from the dude that I've been in love with all along. Life is good - anywhere you consider it to be 'home'. It is indeed where your heart is.

Wishing all of you a Happy Holiday Season, a blessed Christmas and a successful and prosperous New Year. May God continue to keep you in the palm of His hand!

"Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it."

Obstacles don't have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don't turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.

-Michael Jordan

Give Generously

“...the righteous give generously ” (Psalm 37:21).

Did you know that when you give to others in need, the Bible says it’s like giving directly to God Himself? When you step out and bless other people, you are honoring and blessing the Lord. The scripture tells us to give our best, to give generously. In other words, stretch yourself. Go out of your way. It may be uncomfortable to walk over and pay for someone’s gas, but that’s being generous. I encourage you today, look for ways to give generously and meet the needs of others. Remember, people have many different types of needs. There may be someone who needs some encouragement. Give generously when you give that encouragement. There may be someone in your life who just needs a friend. They need some quality time. Give generously of your time and pour into that person. As you give generously to others, God will multiply the seeds you’ve sown, and you’ll live in blessing all the days of your life.

A Prayer for Today

Heavenly Father, I come to You today, giving all that I have to You. Open my eyes to the needs around me and show me how to be a blessing to others. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.