Well......

I did it, I took some of my fears of growing older and took an adventure!

Hitchin thur the southern part of the state!

Knowing of the dangers i might face, but putting that all to the back of my mind remembering of the many years ago when i use to do it out on a whem,and again... I had a BLAST!... I know this world thinks many times of how nothing but crime and dis mare is in it, but there was not one person that picked me up that i had to have any fear in, got to meet alot of intresting people along the way, some just loners, in search of thier dreams to some truck drivers that live on the road to make a living and leaving family behind to make the home life a little better and how hard its been on them to make that money because of the soaring gas prices and not able to be at home as often as they use to.. too a few old grandparents in saying......are you CRAZY doing this in this time and age.. but also understanding my position to LIVE AGAIN....lmfao, but i assured them that i was gonna be careful and make sure that i was gonna be ok, because i still have my wonderful boys to raise.

I was on cloud nine theses past few days, remembering when i was younger and fear never was in me, to growing older and fear put into me about life and its changes, but now i have a sense that i can go on thur this life knowing i can still just be "ME" and i have missed the old me, its not all back yet but its on its way, I can feel it!! and knowing this I just smile more knowing that , when the day comes for me to be whole again, i will just look back and smile and say to myself....See........you was still there, just hiding a bit!

Whats next? i dont know but if you know me at all u know i will think of something! and when i do, i will be just passin along in this life knowing i can do whatever ale's me, and know that if i can put one fear of growing older...and alone behind me now, that i can do whatever is put in front of me to make a change of what i want from now on, and not have the fear that has kept me from reaching my dreams, or hopes....or anything else that has crushed me along the way.

I was taught some importance by a man that i had helped on Tuesday when he was forced off into a ditch in a blizzard that had came in a flash, and moved out by dumping alot of snow in my area. As i stood by him waiting on help to arrive he told me about his life, and how it use to be when he was younger, he told me that no matter what your dreams are follow them, even if they are only dreams right now, and to always love the ones that in your life, even if its for a moment.. that they had been in your life passing, because of that person and his or her's well being was the reason why he or she entered it in the first place, and to soak in anything that anyone has ever said to you in life, because that will be a piece of your life to put it all together ., and to always look towards the bright side of life, because the dark side will only bring you harm and discomfort in knowing u can not exceed thur out it.

He told me about his wife of 20 years and how he was thankful that he had her there for that long before her death of cancer, told me of his kids and how proud he was of them to this day, and the way they turned out just fine from him being the father and mother to them, but he told me he never gave up hope that someday, he would find the love he once had from another women because he didn't wanna die a lone even tho he has his children, he still needed to know that life wasn't just about them,,.....even tho they have always been his life...he asked me if i was married, told him no that i was just living life to raise my children right now, he told me ma'am, that's a wonderful job that your doing there and they do appreciate you being there for them, but to never give up life to be shared, I just smiled at him and said, " maybe someday" , so i asked him if he found that special someone to love for the rest of his life, he said yes ma'am, took me alot of years to find her but i did, we will be married 24 years come this march.. and if i dont get out of this ditch and get home, she will be worried, i should of already been there.. as i chuckled a little bit at that, i looked at myself and said with a sly, u are one lucky man to have that and knowing someone is missing you and knowing that person loves you so much, to be missed... He said to me with a wink, u should bring down that hard wall that you built up around you and let that someone in, and know that on that day you do, it will be for all the right reasons, not just because someone needs you around., I see the love you have in your eyes because of you , you stopped just to make sure i was ok, and you dont see that in this world anymore, of just kindness..but believe me when i say this, your heart is so big just let someone share that with you...

When help arrived and i gave him a hug and told him that he would be ok now, that i had to get to work, he gave me his number just in case i needed a grandpa someday, I smiled and returned to my car, drove down the highway and gave his wife a call to let her know what had happen, and that he was okay and would be home soon, and that she was the luckiest women alive to have a wonderful hubby like hers, she thanked me and i hung up.

He had made a big impact in my life even tho it was only for 20 mins but he spoke of words that hit home and very close to my heart. and made me realize after all theses years of what i have been missing, but maybe having an extra angel like him on my side I'll be able to look at life in a very different way, one way of opening my eyes to what could be around me, and who i need to be looking for in life....even if that day doesn't ever come to me, i will at least know that someone showed me the love that i so dearly love handing out.

I'd run away but i can't escape the power of your pride.,

Your eyes are cold like an empty soul and I'm burning up inside. There's nothing wrong with letting go and you're still diggin' in.. We're racing to the bottom and i cant find the end.

And there's a wall ,

Standing here between us and that's all that's keeping you from freedom, And i keep pushing harder and you keep getting stronger, You wont break cause your afraid you'll fall and theres that wall.

You love me when you want to and you find reasons to fight, Another lame excuse to keep the devil on your side,

Trying hard to hide those scares that I've already seen, Your beat your hearts not the only thing that keeping you from me.

Pain has made you weak and hard, I will never be strong, as strong as the wall

Standing here between us ..

And that's all that's keeping you from freedom, and i keep pushing you and will never break cause your afraid of the fall .. and your wall will not hold your pain or set you free....