Just the other day a friend of mine told me she thought I was very materialistic, so I responded and said in reply that yes, I knew I was materialistic, and that it was something I wasn't ashamed to admit. This presents a very interesting situation; being that I am a materialist who finds materialism to be a vice; that is I find it to be something that is wrong and not proper.

I know that I am probably one of the worst examples on how to live a truly Catholic lifestyle. This partly caused me to become lost following my post-Mel Gibson traditionalist period because I knew right from wrong, and wanted things to be followed as according strictly to the books...but at the same time I also knew I was the biggest materialist/consumerist around.

I consider the idea of craving and wanting to have things for the sake of having them in search of false happiness to be wrong. Yet at the same time this is something I am greatly guilty of. My personal reasoning behind it is that I see it as a defense mechanism. If anyone read any of my Sometimes Silence is Not Golden notes you may understand a bit more here, as the events of 2004 which I will reference here are mainly what caused me to become a materialist.

In my mind I pretty much had two options, the first one was staying depressed over the events which just happened....which could have been potentially indefinite, or I could have just substituted what happened for something else which is what I did. So I substituted my loss by surrounding myself with items I had purchased. I can't really explain why but for some reason having things just for the sake of having them was comforting to me. For example when I was stressed out over finals last semester I went out and purchased a Nintendo Wii, I hardly ever play it but I felt better by just having it.

I know that its bad and a vice, and I'd like to get over it, simply put because spending loads of money at a time can be equally depressing in another way. However, that is all I pretty much have to say on this subject. So that's a wrap...

OK! This is just for me to say yes I'm still around so sorry if I haven't been really catching up until now. Things in my life have gotten busier since going to University so I've been mainly dealing with that. Other than that there isn't really much to say except I hope to re-connect with many of you.

wow...where do i begin... well since i had nothing to do this afternoon i decided to go to confession since i had time to do it today. so i went in and confessed and got absolved and i decided to stay for mass.

since i wanted to get as much training in serving as possible i asked father if i could serve for mass following benediction. so he said sure why not so i vest in my cassock and surplice and he puts on his cope.

we walked into the nave together and we began to sing Tantum Ergo... i was holding the priest's humeral veil that was to be placed on him after the prayers at the foot of the altar....after this was done the priest held up the monstrance and made the sign of the cross in a blessing of the people. during this i rang the bells during each stage of the sign.

it was when this was over and we sang a litany that i had the strangest feeling of imense joy.... the only other time i can remember expiereincing something like that was after my confirmation. it was highly exalting and mystifying at the same time.

afterwards we processed out of the church and i began setting up for mass. that went pretty smooth, i carried the cross in the processional, held the sacramentary for the priest and assisted him in preparing the altar. this was the first time at mass that i got to ring the bells during the consecration and when i was adoring the sacrament during the elevation the same feeling came back. thats when it began to rain....it was very surreal.

after taking communion i help with the clearing of the altar. held the book once more and processed out of the church. i then helped clear off the credence table and that was pretty much it. after mass i had a few people come up to me and say thank you for being there....one man told me they usually dont have acolytes/servers at mass and it was a nice thing to see and they hoped i come back. i was touched... it was just wow to the extreme.

i hope ill be able to do it tomorrow, i just thought i would share my expierence on this feast of the Holy Name of Mary.

God bless you all! +

Me on the Sanctuary.