I have 2 lovers in my life, as of right now. My first true loves are music and writing. These are the two things that have never let me down or left me broken hearted. They are my solace and the only things that make me who I am.
Lover #1:
Music became my lover when I was a child. I remember my mother actually buying me my very first album; yes it was an actual vinyl album, when I was just 3yrs old. I was so happy and proud to have it that I held on to it for dear life and ran in the house with it to show my dad. He laughed at me and put it on for me to hear on my very own stereo. I had one that had a record player and an AM/FM radio in it. Back then there was no cassette or CD player as of yet. Growing up in my house there was always music on. Most of the day and at night either my parents had their stereo going or I had mine going. I rarely watched TV as a child.
I didn’t grow up like most kids in those days that had a stereo, TV and VCR in their bedrooms, so that they could lock themselves away from their family and the entire outer world. I had a stereo and that was all I needed to have. IF I wanted to watch TV or a movie that was done in the living room with the family and we always only had one TV up until I hit about the age of 15, then we had two and have had two ever since. I could have very well had all that stuff and my parents asked me repeatedly if I wanted all that stuff in my room and I told them no every time. I never felt a need for it because I knew, even then, that the stereo would be the only thing I would ever use. Till this day, while I am sitting here writing this, I have the music going; just now it is my ITunes instead of an actual stereo. Now don’t get me wrong I still have a stereo in my bedroom with an actual record player in it; just now it has a CD and cassette player in it, because over the years I have collected a wide variety of music and none of it repeats it self. There has to be at least 300 actual albums with 200 cassettes and somewhere upwards of 400 CDs that includes the local bands.
Every genre is represented within my collection of music. As far as I am concerned everyone has something to say. Good, bad or indifferent, no matter the genre or the type of music you make or listen to it can be appreciated by a certain fan base. If you really pour your emotions into it no matter what genre someone listens to or prefers they can appreciate what you are saying and may even like it. IN all actuality writer and musicians are really not that different, maybe that is why I can appreciate every type of music.
Lover #2:
Writing became my lover as a teenager. I started to write out my emotions when my first “crush” broke my heart and have been at it ever since. Putting pen to paper or key strokes to a keyboard makes me feel alive. It awakens the most inner parts to my soul, much like a really well written song does. I have notebooks upon notebooks of things written that no one has nor will they ever see. I actually still hand write a lot of stuff and most likely will continue to do so, most is poetry and some is just writing feelings or thoughts out. Some of it can be dark and brooding, some sad and some just happy thoughts. I started what was supposed to be a short story and turned into a 17 page “thing”, is the best way I can put it, which is still not done, but I stopped it at a place that I am comfortable with for the time being until I am able to get back to it. The ideas of where this “thing” might end up are still free flowing in my head and I have even written some down. One day I will get back to it and finish it, might even be my first novel, who knows!
I remember the first thing I wrote. I was 13 and it was a poem, having never written a poem before I had no idea that I could actually do it. It just kind of happened and after that they have been free flowing ever since. Sometimes, though, my emotions don’t exactly come out in a poetry sort of way and I am just writing, could be good, bad, sad or indifferent you can never tell with me. Everyone has emotions and how you choose to express your or deal with your is up to you, for me it is writing. For musicians it is the same thing. They write their emotions out and choose to put some form of musical accompaniment behind it, I just prefer writing them out and putting them aside. Last year was one of the darkest periods of writing that I had gone through and I only posted some of what I was writing. The things that I went through emotionally no one should ever have to go through, but I know that everyone has their dark periods and deals with it in their own way.
I tried other jobs (cashier, fast food, architectural drafter) and was content in doing those, but there is something with writing that has a satisfactory feel to it. I think it may be that I was always meant to do this, but never knew it until I had hit rock bottom in my emotional state and career choices to ultimately make that decision. Now, I feel like I have found my place in this world and I am carving out my little niche, if you will, my place in this huge rock and I am determined, now more than ever, to make this one permanent. Till next time! Keep on rockin’, my lovelies!